Thoughts and Dreams

essencedraconis @ 2007-06-09T20:46:00

2007-06-10T03:45:46Z

WooHoo

2006-08-08T04:16:51Z

Im in the 94th percentile in reading comprehension.... gee who woulda guessed an avid reader and novelsized post RPer would do that.... =^-^=

we wont go into my math score. I know Im no good at math so I am focusing on being validated in my intelligence via the English placement test... Yay me... I needed something uplifting.

However, I am very very tired, I woke up at 6am after maybe 4 hours of sleep.

...Just Breathe...

2006-07-20T20:11:33Z

I think Ive finally lost the last of my marbles.

I applied to The Art Institute...

THE Art Institute... the one with 32 locations throughout North America http://artinstitutes.edu/

This school has been my Dream since I first learned about it in Junior year of HS when the lady from the Seattle school talked to me about getting in. And today I took the risk of applying. I already spoke to one of the Heads of the Graphic Design department in Pittsburgh. She gave me a recommendation after talking to me for like an hour and looking at my art site. Her boss is going to speak with me in the morning before I go to work. She was talking to me like Im already in... It all sits on my HS transcripts and my gpa which I dont remember but damn well better have been above a 2.0. We will find out tomorrow. I spent like 2 and a half hours talking to her total.

Im scared. Im excited. I keep forgetting to breathe.

...I have to go to work.

Holy Shit Its Huge

2006-07-14T21:10:57Z

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now. (a few somebodies)	✓ I don't watch much TV these days. (except a couple series Im hooked on)	✓ I own lots of books. (I lost count somewhere around 100)
× I wear glasses or contact lenses.	✓ I love to play video games. (not so much anymore but when I start playing one Im hooked)	✓ I've tried marijuana. (how else do you discover you're allergic to it)
✓ I've watched porn movies. (and will again)	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (uhm I dont Think I have)	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (whenever possible... Lying just leads to fucking things up)
✓ I curse sometimes. (no shit)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (I did once...)

* * * * *

✓ I have broken someone's bones. (broken hearts, had my heart broken... who hasnt)	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. (who doesnt)	× I hate the rain. (I LOVE the rain)
✓ I'm paranoid at times. (only at times.... heh)	× I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.	✓ I need/want money right now. (car in shop, many things I simply want)
✓ I love sushi. (surprisingly yes)	× I talk really, really fast.	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
✓ I have long hair. (and love it)	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling. (3 half and 1 I would kill for)
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	× I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	× I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. (I DO survive without it)
× I like the way that I look.	× I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	× I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings. (just ask Sis and Dani)	✓ I think prostitution should be legalized. (and regulated)	✓ I slept with a roommate.
✓ I have a hidden talent.	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	× I have a lot of friends.
✓ I have pecked someone of the same sex. (pecked, kissed, fucked, loved)	✓ I enjoy talking on the phone. (when you actually get me on it)	✓ I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. (yes bitch, they are comfy)
× I love to shop and/or window shop.	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	✓ I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. (when she is on her cellphone and talking louder)
✓ I have a mobile phone. (a black razr and I love it)	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. (not for lack of trying but sadly no)	✓ I've rejected someone before. (oh yes)
✓ I currently like/love someone. (very deeply)	× I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	✓ I want to have children in the future. (a few even)
✓ I have changed a diaper before. (several)	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	× I'm not allergic to anything. (I wish)
✓ I have a lot to learn. (who doesnt)	✓ I am shy around the opposite sex. (Im shy around either sex)	✓ I'm online 24/7, even as an away message. (just about, except when I turn off the computer... I leave yahoo invisible even when Im not here.)
✓ I have at least 5 away messages saved. (sadly)	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before. (oh yea and love the alcohol)	✓ I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. (I made a move on her too, that was fun)
× I own the "South Park" movie. (thank the Gods no)	× I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	✓ I enjoy some country music. (hell fucking yes)
✓ I would die for my best friends. (in a heartbeat)	✓ I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist. (sadly about many things)	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
× I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. (GRRR NO)	✓ I have dated a close friend's ex. (she said I could)	✓ I am happy at this moment. (surprisingly yes)
× I'm obsessed with guys. (LMAO No)	× Democrat.	× Republican.
× I don't even know what I am. (Sure I do, but you wouldnt believe me if I told you)	× I am punk rockish.	✓ I go for older guys/girls, not younger. (I prefer them but thats never stopped me from dating someone younger)
× I study for tests most of the time.	× I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	✓ I can work on a car. (sorta, cant name parts but I can work on em)
✓ I love my job(s). (bakery work is a dream and my art will never be called a job)	✓ I am comfortable with who I am right now. (surprisingly)	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
× I walk barefoot wherever I can.	× I have jumped off a bridge. (not yet)	× I love sea turtles.
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	✓ I plan on achieving a major goal/dream. (someday soon)	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
× I hate office jobs.	× I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
✓ I am a pyro. (used to be)	✓ I have thrown up from crying too much.	✓ I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
× I fall for the worst people.	× I adore bright colours. (shudder* no)*	× I usually like covers better than originals.
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	× I can pick up things with my toes.	✓ I can't whistle. (I forgot how)
✓ I have ridden/owned a horse. (ridden yes and love it)	× I still have every journal I've ever written in.	× I talk in my sleep.
✓ I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	✓ I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
✓ I have a tattoo. (and it is special to me)	✓ I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with. (well duh)	✓ I am a caffeine junkie. (allergic and addicted... oh the migraines but at least Im awake)
✓ I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all. (Damn right Bitch)	× If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	× I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	✓ I'm an artist. (well I try to be)	× I am ambidextrous.
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed. (not anymore, they all hang above my head... except Eeyore and my giraffe)	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
× I hate my toes.	× I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	✓ I have more friends on the internet than in real life. (Im shy, sorry)
✓ I have lived in either three different states or countries. (umm I lost count)	× I am extremely flexible.	× I love hugs more than kisses.
× I want to own my own business.	× I smoke.	✓ I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else. (sadly I know it)
✓ Nobody has ever said I'm normal.	× Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
✓ I like the way women look in stylized men's suits. (so hot)	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds. (well yea)
✓ I have played strip poker with someone else before.	✓ I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help. (Duh)	✓ I believe in ghosts and the paranormal. (Of course)
✓ I can't stand being alone.	✓ I have at least one obsession at any given time. (just ask Dani and Kris)	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
× I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	× I'm a judgmental asshole.	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
× I have travelled on more than one continent.	✓ I sometimes wish my father would just disappear. (he basically did)	✓ I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am. (afraid so)
× I am a Libertarian.	✓ I can speak more than one language. (yea well I can)	✓ I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
✓ I would rather read than watch TV. (lately definately)	× I like reading fact more than fiction.	× I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
× I have no piercings.	✓ I have spent the night in a train station or other public place. (waiting for a bus but yes)	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	✓ There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it. (several)	✓ I like most animals better than most people. (yes, definately)
✓ I own a collection of retro games consoles. (NES,SNES, Gameboy... small collection but somewhere I also have a really old commadore that was used for text games)	× The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	× I have hit someone with a dead fish.
× I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	✓ I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders. (I prefer to think of it as simply not caring about gender when I fall in Love.)	✓ I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to. (yeah, doin it now)
✓ I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on. (personal reasons)	✓ I dislike milk.	× I obsessively wash my hands.
✓ I always carry something significant around with me. (my pendants and something else)	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	× I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	✓ I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird. (oh yes)
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	× Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	✓ I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing. (I think they are hot)	× I don't like to chew gum.
× I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	× I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
✓ I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	✓ I love to sing. (when alone)
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	× I have a custom-built computer. (not yet)	× I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it.
✓ I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human. (shut up)	× I've gone skinny-dipping.	✓ I've performed in three plays. (school all school)
× I enjoy burritos.	✓ I'm Irish and loving it. (Hell Yes)	✓ I have a thing for redheads.
× I am a twin!	✓ Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'. (Im reading 4 books at once, you tell me)	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
× I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	× I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
× I need more time to myself.	× I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	× I love playing Truth or Dare.	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
× Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	× I think this survey is particularly long.
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks. (no but I am sad to announce I know what one is and have made several)

Quick Update

2006-05-19T03:46:58Z

I got 3 hours of sleep.

I spent the night in the emergency room for no reason at all because doctors are apparently inept and found nothing wrong with my aunts fiance.

And for that.... 3 hours of sleep.

So I spoiled myself today because I deserve it right now after all the shit I have been doing for the past 2 and a half weeks. I bought an mp3 player (not ipod thank the Gods), I bought paid more for the bigger one cause its silver but not much more, and PSP 9 since it was a damn good deal now that PSP X is out and the reviews on X led me to buy 9... what does That tell ya.

Back to the real world and all that shit I have to get done.

Random Goodmoodedness

2006-04-27T04:46:37Z

I worked a whole 4 hours... that was fun... coulda been worse I suppose.
I walked home. Surprisingly because I wanted to and I intend to keep doing it. It felt good and the air was cool enough because the sun was still in the process of setting. Depending on the day I will walk To work too... ok mostly depending on the hours they stick me with.

I really do feel good about not moving BtM, I felt better as soon as we decided to keep it with Warp1. I am so not ready for all the added stress to me that moving it to WRC would have caused because of other issues. I like WRC, its a decent site and Im gonna continue helping out a friend with his room there. But Warp1 is Beyond the Mists home and that isnt going to change any time soon. It just feels right to be there. And I have decided to be social so that will help a lot too.

Im just feeling better, all around better, today. Partly because I got to talk to Sis for a while this morning as well as RP with her yesterday before RL butted in. But thats how it works you know. The other part... Ive been keeping a lot to myself, afraid of hurting someones feelings because of my own but why should I be quiet about things that make me feel good for anyone? Thats what I have been doing and its been making me moody, depressed, and sick... so no more. If you want to be my friend accept me and my life and be happy for me when I am happy... and I will do the same for you... no matter who you are. Friendship is too precious.

So heres whats going on that I have kept to myself.

I have some amazing friends, my Sister being on the top of that list. She is able to just make everything ok again so very easily just by being there. Talking to her reminds me that there are more important things in life and that my Family comes first in mine. Talking to her this morning felt good because we talked about her life and mine and caught up a little... And because I got to talk about something I only get to talk about with her.

I have this friend that Ive had for a few years now, I have a few of those really and I need to keep in better touch because friendships that last like that are the ones worth holding onto but thats beside the point. We talk almost daily, I look forward to it enough that I go out of my way to make sure this friend is able to contact me... to the point of waking me up because most of our time talking is early morning due to our schedules. We used to talk all the time and then that died down a little when I let myself dissapear for a while. But back in late November/early December we really started talking again and I realized how much I missed that. For a few months it was like we were avoiding seeing what was happening, or at least I was, we were getting closer again like we had been once.... Once when I was foolish and broke my own heart over this friend and neither of us was ready for what we were feeling. We have always been able to remain friends, always, no matter what was happening around us. But there is this connection between us and denying it just hasnt worked and why should it...

I have been happy being single these past few months but thats because I have been rediscovering myself... Oh boy have I had some nasty depression and some issues but in the end it gives way when I let myself be me and I feel better again. The darker side of me will never go away and I dont want it to, its part of me, but I can learn to deal with it better. Anyway... I have also been happy spending time with my friend, to the point where I look forward to it and being woken up at 8 to 9am every morning after maybe 6 hours sleep or less (it doesnt matter).

I sleep less which is actually good for me, I have more energy during the day, I just feel better.... and more so because Ive actually gotten to talk to someone about it, the only person who I Wanted to talk to about it, my Sister... I trust her, I love her, and I know she will always tell me what she feels is best and be supportive of the choices I make. And she asks the questions that provoke the really big answers. This morning she told me to ask myself if what was happening between us was worth the risk... She helped me realize something important today... I cant Not take this risk. I cant imagine it and I dont want to, this just feels too right. Its a huge risk for a lot of reasons I wont get into, but how can I not do what feels right, it goes against my very nature.

I dont know what to call it and frankly I dont want to give it a name. For once in my life I am letting things happen as they want to happen without forcing labels into place. And for once in my life, Im not afraid of what might or might not happen.

Yes i left out information about this person... I did that on purpose (duh)and its going to stay that way. Hey Im ready to talk about it but not That ready, besides I want to be sure of where its all going first.

essencedraconis @ 2006-03-30T23:06:00

2006-03-31T07:15:11Z

Funnel clouds are tornadoes that havent touched the ground... this was stated by our local news anchor when talking about our local weather... Funnel clouds in Lane County... yea thats comforting. The thunder scared my sickness fogged mind badly enough this afternoon before work.

on that note:

I have Bronchitis... yay me

I went to work today and will tomorrow because even being horridly sick and wishing I could take my respiratory system out and stick it in a steaming shower for a few hours to cleanse it I have to work because I cant take time off. So I settled for a short hot shower and scalding hot tea and went to work.

ooh ooh new icons cause Made by aehallh rocks wit teh icons.

Go Figure

2006-03-27T04:27:41Z

Your True Love Is a Scorpio

Why you'll love a Scorpio:

Strong and sexy, Scorpio will overpower you into falling in love (before you even realize it!).
You'll love being swept away by Scorpio - into a world of insane passion.

Why a Scorpio will love you:

You don't mind letting your Scorpio take the reigns, as long as you know you're truly cared for.
Loyal and devoted, you would never do anything to set off insanely jealous Scorpio.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

essencedraconis @ 2006-03-19T22:03:00

2006-03-20T06:04:00Z

You scored as Serenity (from Firefly). You like to live your own way and do not enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you that you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

Coming on December 1, 2005:

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? The Sequel

</td>

SG-1 (from Stargate)

100%

Serenity (from Firefly)

100%

Moya (from Farscape)

100%

Bebop (from Cowboy Bebop)

88%

Millennium Falcon (from Star Wars)

88%

Nebuchadnezzar (from The Matrix)

88%

Galactica (from Battlestar: Galactica)

75%

Enterprise D (from Star Trek)

50%

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? v1.0
created with QuizFarm.com

essencedraconis @ 2006-03-13T12:43:00

2006-03-13T20:53:19Z

Went out last night. I love the burlesque show at John Henry's its different and entertaining every time. Didnt get as drunk as last time, couldnt afford to, but I had fun. Much quieter crowd too which was dissapointing, even to the host. Got to watch a killer light show when one of the hosts did a lightsaber battle thingy in the dark so all you could see were the red and blue "blades". He also does this thing on the bare with machetes, its awesome.

I think my cat is in my moms closet killing hangers, I can hear her on the other side of the wall. Not sure which cat tho but likely the stupid one.

A note to Dani. I slept alright but Im still tired so I know it wasnt as restful as it could have been and nowhere near as restful as Saturday night. So yes, there is a difference.

GiggleFit

2006-03-12T05:07:46Z

Oh I love learning new things. So yes I started talking to Dani again and its great. We were both in a horrible horrible space when we got into that nasty fight and we understand it. So yay, Im glad to be talking to him again. I missed him, he missed me, we are good as friends we just lost track of that before.

Thats not the reason for the giggling. No, that is from being told I was accused (behind my back as always) of following and spying via communities. That made me laugh my ass off. Apparently I joined communities just to spy recently. *Snicker* I have not joined any communities since early January and most were joined in early December depending on which one. You know the difference? I added them to my Friends Lists because I wasnt keeping up on them otherwise.

Ooh Im a spy wooooo *gigglefits*

essencedraconis @ 2006-03-06T03:05:00

2006-03-06T11:10:59Z

naked women are good... Holy Hell were they fucking hot... Especially Katie when she bashed the tvs with the axe at the end to the beat of Living Dead Girl... Fuck Katie was just hot all around.

I drank, Im buzzed... I was drunk earlier but we sobered up a wee bit, not much but enough that I can see typos when I make them and kinda sit here and focus. Rum and Coke is my friend but not so much for my empty stomach. All I ate today was a slice of pizza and while that satisfied my hunger it made me a cheap drunk.

Lisas cousin is a WoW head and so is a friend of hers that was there... we WoWgeeked for a bit between sets. I fuckin love John Henries.

essencedraconis @ 2006-03-04T23:34:00

2006-03-05T07:45:06Z

So while Neighbors may be closed now... the bastards... that doesnt stop us from wanting to go out.

I forgot the name of the club... yea thats sad, but I remembered where it is at least. Im not driving so I dont care as long as we get there. Me, Lisa and Vanessa are goin with one of Lisa's friends from Portland after all 3 of us are off work, Vanessa is last on that one so Im gonna hang out at work to keep her company. Should be fun, strippers ooh baby... Doubt they will be stripping, likely just dancing for fun. People go there to sing, dance, do fire twirling... Holy Shit is that ever awesome, they do it at the Saturday Market sometimes too. Either way, Im drinking and glad I have Monday off.

I got paid, I bought more stuff for Poser, a new skirt that Im gonna wear tomorrow night, and umm thats about it actually. Another 100 in savings and I still have plenty to spend.

Vanessa was singing "Donkey Riding" today, out of tune but still... it was funny, she learned it in High School from a friend who knew who Great Big Sea was... Im just amazed someone out here had a clue about them at all... But shes from New York, much closer to the Newfies then we are. Mmmm Newfie accents...

So we saw a movie tonight... Anyone wanna guess which one?

2006-02-24T05:28:55Z

"What do you get when you put a vampire in a blender?" -my Mom

Squee!

2006-02-14T19:21:53Z

It snowed. It is going to snow more... Its February and its snowing for the first time in the winter season. Took it long enough but it still snowed.

Oh Yeah... I Almost Forgot...

2006-02-12T01:23:53Z

I got the books faolchu_scatha offered. Yay... She rocks.

This Moment of LJ Drama Brought to you by Irritation

2006-02-12T00:51:56Z

I know, I said no more replies but wow, attacking my relationship with my Daughter was a bit far.

Interpretations are always going to be different, people will read things and take what others say as they see them, whether they are right about how words were said or not. Does anyone stop to ask? Of course not, they just go about their own little wrong assumptions and live their lives with whatever that does for them. Cant be helped really. People who dont stop to ask really are losing out on the benefit of knowing the Real meaning, the Truth in words. But whatever because for those who do ask the ones who dont look like asses. Until the question is asked the only thing one has to go by is speculation and assumption which is never good in the end.

the "Real Women" statement was Not a slam on my ex even if he took it that way altho, I dont see why he would, unless he wants to tell a whole lot of strangers... I however, respected his choice even when Fighting and did not attack his personal belief or choice. The statement was warding off the possibility of being accused of only liking women who act like or want to be men (aka FtM Trans) which I have no problem with but wont date because I see them as Men because that is what they are on the Inside isnt it which is what matters and I tend to try to respect that in people. The sad part is that question and point would have and has been asked of me once already by people who thought they knew me better then they did, thus the need to state it. Of course the question was geared more towards if I "prefer Butches cause they act like guys". That was an interesting little arguement in itself.

Further, the first statement to be considered an "Attack" was his when he told me I could "Cyber with Hitler" for all he cared which came out of nowhere and was ment to be cruel in the middle of an arguement that had nothing to do with Cybersex. It was actually a quite childish comment that turned an arguement into little more then pointless bashing on his behalf.

I cant help it if he always takes my words as personal attacks, thats his problem, but maybe he should try Not assuming everything is about him especially since the statement containing the "Real Women" comment was not directed At him. Same Post, different direction as was pointed out in the statement itself which was directed at "everyone" as in people who read my LJ in general, not one specific person.

Amusement and an Announcement

2006-02-10T07:47:50Z

Sometimes people make me giggle.

Dredging up past complaints and ignoring half the facts about them after stating the past would remain The Past... That amuses me....

Ignoring half of what I say and do and only attacking the other half, that amuses me...

Forcing me to uphold rules we Have Not Put In Writing for people to know about, that amuses me... Wanting to make a Rule about Font Color in RP posts because you find it annoying, that amuses me. Yes its irritating to see 4 billion fonts but so what? IF someone likes doing it Yay for them... Btw he stopped

I do Not want to get back with my ex, I havent for a while now but apparently wanting to be friends means I want to be together... That really makes me giggle since he said we could be friends... hmm

Frankly I dont give a flying Fuck what caused the outbursts to finally come to a huge blow up with me because Ive been Tired of it all for a while... All I Wanted was Friendship, thats all I asked for, to be treated like a Human and a Friend like was offered in the beginning.

Game over, bitch and attack all you want... That was all the response I needed to give.

On To the Important Part of this:

Apparently I need to be Blunt when trying to explain my thought patterns to even my Family... So... I think Im just going to tell everyone at this point, gotta happen sometime right? I came to a HUGE realization over new years and in the past month and a half (just saw the date.) I like Women, not quite a recent realization mind you, Ive always been "Bi" but the important part is I really Dont like guys, dont like their attitudes, dont like their mannerisms, dont like them in general... sure decent friends on occasion but overall just fucking annoying and umm yea, no. Sure, there have been a couple decent guys I have known but I wound up caring differently for them then they wanted. And before we go there, I like real women who are proud of it and who they are.

Yes, complicated to understand for anyone whos known me but then not really for those who Truly Know me which isnt actually that many despite what some may think.

I have been trying to piece myself together for a long time and Im finally making progress. I am tired of being the one who lets fear of reaction stop me from being me. So, I really dont give a Fuck what anyone thinks... Interpretations cannot be helped, assumptions cannot be helped... Whatever

OMG yes its Public *gasp*

the Feeding Frenzy

2006-02-10T06:39:57Z

I liked that title for it better then the Friending Frenzy so I swiped it... :P

My Friends List just jumped because of Friending Day on SinQ (one of my recently added comms not on my F-List due to too many posts a day)... it were fun and I need to make new friends so yay

On other news... my hours next week will suck. I close the bakery one night and open it the next morning... tomorrow is my one day off, I worked the last 4 and will work the next 6 after it... all 8 hour shifts on both sides... my legs hate me but its worth it... I get paid so very well.

In another Feeding Frenzy my cats are doing that growly refill the dish thing since its gotten low (not empty) and they dont like to have to reach.

I downloaded more stuff for Poser because Im an addict

Gelato = expensive ice cream

Obsession Therapy

2006-02-09T04:51:28Z

This means... spending money on one of my obsessions is therapy... I am feeling all squeeky and good tonight. Worked my butt off again, another shift that lasted 3 hours longer then scheduled... thats two in a row and I wont be surprized if tomorrow is #3. Sadly I wouldnt doubt it.

So yea anyway, I got paid so I spent some of it after budgeting how much I will need before my next paycheck which is a week from tomorrow and will be at least twice what I got this last check...

I bought a few things, got great deals, at Daz3d and PoserPros... A played with my new toys a bit too but I cant stay up late tonight to really make anything cool so I just put it away for now... And not one Hello Kitty related item in the bunch *Gasp*

Over all, Im in a good mood.

todays mood theme: Jubilant... it sounds happy and almost bouncy so it works... YaY

Changes

2006-02-06T21:48:41Z

Layouts done... it was worthwhile working on the image, Im proud of it. I would have left her totally naked but somehow I didnt think that would go over well. And I was even nice enough to use her hair to cover her nipples... Compramise isnt always a bad thing, I dont think she would have as much impact if she were totally visibly nude so I am happy with the way she looks...

It helped a little but no, working on this didnt take my mind off of anything that I was hoping it would. Oh well, just have to think of something else to distract me.

Next, Im tackling my user info. Not sure if I will change that much at all but who knows... I dont alter this thing often but when I do its usually for a good reason so we will see what happens.

Edit: So yea, I played with the user info. Wasn't much to do to it really, just rewording, adding and removing... Thats about it.

I am... Conflicted

2006-02-05T09:59:47Z

People can really surprise you sometimes... in good ways and bad ways, theres always that chance someone is going to do something that makes you just stop and wonder...

He will never see this, he doesnt even know I have a journal... He doesnt know a lot of things about me... But he should... so why doesnt he?

I feel so lost right now, not sure what to do or say when he calls again...

Here I go again
My heart's on the line
I'm willing to pretend
One more time
I got some life to spend
On even rhymes
But when I reach the end
Will you, will you, will you be mine

This time I know your not the answer to my prayer
And I have grown with each disappointment through the years
And as bad as I am, and as bad as I am
I'm still here.

Making Changes

2006-02-02T09:50:09Z

So yea, I had to cut down my icons, the paid extra icons will be done either tomorrow or the next day so it had to be done.

I am also planning on working on a new layout for my journal and creating my own background... something more simple that I can see my icons on cause I like my icons and figure why have em if I cant see em... So yea Im gonna be working on a new design when I have the time... heres hopin it comes out nice.

I love this layout but yea, its time for something new.

I am hoping this project will take my mind off of all the shit going on right now... I need to keep myself busy or I will crack and I know it.

So yea, Im still having emotional issues, thus my music choices... My music always fits my mood.

Thats all I guess.

Owie

2006-01-30T06:46:23Z

I like my job, I would love my job if I had the right shoes, the breaks I deserve, and that little piece of my finger I took out this afternoon... I also dont have much time for my friends since they have early days and I have late ones. Getting home at 9pm or later has its issues where Dani and Sis are concerned since they are later timezones and have lives that start early enough that they cant be awake when I am.

I miss my Friends, I miss my RP, I miss my community readings, I miss playing my games and Poser 6... But its worth it because its a good job and it is also good money... very good money =^-^=

I havent been doing much else, I wake up, shower, go to work, come home, relax for a bit, go to bed and repeat... so yea Im boring right now but once my feet get used to the 8.5 hour shifts I will be doing more... I hope. I did do some song searching and got some good music... thats about it... oh and some Hello Kitty valentines cards tonight cause we went shopping after work... YaY Hello Kitty

I think tonight I will play Emperor for a while....

YaY Me

2006-01-26T05:19:08Z

So I technically started my job today. We had Orientation which was 3.5 hours of Fun *rolls eyes* sitting at a table with 7 other people who wanted to be there just as much as I did. Reading and filling out paperwork for the whole time was just the best thing in the world... I thought about stabbing things with my pen but I didnt have one until near the end when the HR dude gave us pens to fill out the papers...

Bakery Clerks, unlike normal employees, have to wear white pants and those button up bakers jackets instead of khaki pants and polo shirts... Lucky me, that means I have to spend more money then everyone else.

I start tomorrow and for the next 5 days I work from 12:30 to 9... they like to just throw us in there it seems.

At least I can sleep in and be awake later, but I miss out on most of my time with my Friends. Ahh well, maybe I will make friends at work and go out once in a while... that would be nice.

On another note *sniffle* my extra icons expires in 9 days... *plot*

Thoughts and Dreams

essencedraconis @ 2007-06-09T20:46:00

WooHoo

...Just Breathe...

Holy Shit Its Huge

Quick Update

Random Goodmoodedness

essencedraconis @ 2006-03-30T23:06:00

Go Figure

essencedraconis @ 2006-03-19T22:03:00

essencedraconis @ 2006-03-13T12:43:00

*GiggleFit*

essencedraconis @ 2006-03-06T03:05:00

essencedraconis @ 2006-03-04T23:34:00

So we saw a movie tonight... Anyone wanna guess which one?

Squee!

Oh Yeah... I Almost Forgot...

This Moment of LJ Drama Brought to you by Irritation

Amusement and an Announcement

the Feeding Frenzy

Obsession Therapy

Changes

I am... Conflicted

Making Changes

Owie

YaY Me

GiggleFit